by STRONG | Jul 6, 2015 | Learn + Grow
Friendship by definition is the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends. But what does it truly mean to be a “friend”? There are ten essential aspects of being a true friend….
1. Trust
Without trust your friendship has no foundation, you are not capable of communicating and expressing your true honesty. A true friend can be truthful about feelings, values, goals and desires without hesitation. With trust in a friendship both parties know that the other person won’t hurt them intentionally or do anything to break that trust. Having trust in a friendship is the most valuable detail to having a healthy long lasting friendship.
2. Communication
Communication is a method of enabling people to deeply identify with each other, and, thus, gradually develop the ability to feel close to each other. Having good communication in a true and long-term friendship can be the difference between and argument and understanding.
3. Honesty
As a true friend it is your duty to tell the truth, even when you know the truth may hurt and possibly even cost you your friendship. Honesty is a direct line to trust, if you can not be honest with your friend you are not being your true self. In turn, you are not operating with the intent of giving and receiving the good and the bad of the friendship, you want to conform…not confront when it is time to be honest.
4. Reliability
A true friend understands the importance of time and respects it. Being their when it really counts separates the friends for the foes. Friends sacrifice for the things that matter and if they can’t be there they inform in advance(minus an emergency). Be accountable for your actions or lack of when you are needed.
5. Respect
By definition respect is a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable or important. A true friend should add value to your life in some way. When things hold value you honor them as such, you go the extra mile and you understand when it may be difficult. Respect is earned, but it is first found within. Talk to your friend to understand if you have the same respect levels, if not adjust accordingly.
6. Selflessness
A friendship requires more than one person. Thus, you have to have a clear and concise understanding about what you are willing to give of yourself and accept that your friend may not have the same capacity. Understanding just how selfless you are is key in setting your expectations in friendship.
7. Loyalty
When you say ” I will be there”, “Don’t worry”, I have your back” these are not just phrases, these are verbal commitments that you have ensured to your friend you will uphold. Make sure that it is a mutual understanding by all parties what their definition of loyalty looks like. Outline it so their is no misunderstanding, “my loyalty is to ______ and then you”. It seems harsh, but if everyone is honest there is less room for dysfunction and uncertainty. It is imperative to understand that loyalty is like trust; once it is in question it takes time to reestablish.
8. Patience
Patience is a learned behavior it is developed over time. When you nurture a friendship it is a learning process, you get to know the corks of the other person. However, you have preconceived pet peeves you’ve likely had for sometime, but you have to take in to consideration that you may have to from time to time visit those peeves. Truth is patience is a sign of maturity, so think of it as growth.
9. Constructive Criticism
The delivery and receipt of constructive criticism is paramount. If you can not take or receive constructive criticism, you will never have a true friend or be a true friend. You will forever be surrounded by “yes women” or simply never hold your friend accountable for their actions. A true friend can receive and give corrective criticism in love, while being honest about their insight.
10. Forgiveness
Knowing when the “thing” is so much smaller than your pride is big is forgiveness at its core. Apologizing first does not make you weak or invalidate your point. It simply says to the other person you are worth more than a misunderstanding and words said or unsaid. The ability to understand that forgiveness places no blame it replaces what was once in disarray back into perspective is priceless in a friendship.
So, the next time you think about how great of a friend your are, take a step back and revisit these few key attributes of being a wholehearted friend, a true friend. They aren’t any shows that show you how to be a better friend, when to give up on a friendship or when things are bad how to get back to “why” you were friends in the first place. In parting I leave you with this, evaluate your friendships as often you would your relationship. If it does it grow you, inspire you and bring you joy decide if it is worth holding on to. If it does, make sure you are doing your part to ensure you are actively living up to the title of a true friend. If not, be okay with being a colleague, associates, business partners or acquaintance and leave the beauty of friendship to those who have the guts to be all in!
Be Inspired,
by Torrie Oglesby | Jul 2, 2015 | Learn + Grow
“This is for the little brown girls…”
That’s the mantra Misty Copeland chants while she rehearses for her groundbreaking, history making role in Igor Stravinsky’s Firebird.
When you picture a ballerina you most likely see a thin, fare skinned, tall girl who has no curves and hair that lays flat easily. This is not the case with Misty Copeland. She breaks all stereotypes and challenges us to ask ourselves “What does a ballerina look like?” In her book, Life in Motion, an unlikely ballerina, she shows us how her story was not always one of beauty, although she is now the only African American soloist dancing with the prestigious American Ballet Theatre, she certainly did not start there. Her story was extremely riveting, to the point that I found myself observing my life and asking “What’s stopping me from going after what I want?”
Misty did not come from the all American dream, with the white picket fence and the mother and father who loved each other and their kids more than anything. She came from an underprivileged home where she had multiple fathers, always moving with her mother and siblings, and as the title suggest, always in motion. She shares stories that leave your jaw on the floor and have you think “How in the world did this girl survive?” Her passion for dance and her will to push on and overcome the hardships that life hands you is, in my opinion, a super woman attribute. Not only did she overcome a lot, but she shares it in such an open way which takes vulnerability and bravery. She is truly inspiring and is an overcomer. If there’s one thing her story has taught me it is to always push forward and to let your passion guide you through out life. Also, as corny as this might sound it reminded me that I can be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. I don’t have to listen to what the world tells me but follow what God has placed in me.
She kept me on the edge of my seat for more than half way through the book. Towards the end the writing got a little redundant but regardless of the writing the story was allusive, artistic and heart wrenching that by the time it got a little boring, I was already so invested in it that I didn’t mind it that much. If you’re looking for a book that has a story that tugs at your heart and motivates your soul and perhaps awakens something in you to go after what you want, go pick up Misty Copeland’s Life in Motion, an unlikely ballerina, you won’t be disappointed.
Torrie’s rating (out of 5): 4 cups of coffee.
With love and big smiles,
torrie.
by Torrie Oglesby | Jul 2, 2015 | Learn + Grow
Today’s Entrepreneur: Jena Holliday from A Spoonful of Faith
- Tell us about your business and explain the purpose and vision for A Spoonful of Faith.
Spoonful of Faith was founded in 2014 as outlet for me to express my creativity, passions and help others create theirs! I’ve always been a creative soul, with art in my blood from a young age. With a professional background in marketing, social media, and blogging – I mix them all together and help create brands with a unique flair, distinct look, and creative touch. I also do custom illustration and design work. Right now, its a one-woman team, and I love that I can be so intimately involved with each project. My goal is really to help small businesses and women create unique hand crafted businesses, artwork, and bring something that is wonderfully made especially for them. Christ is a huge part behind why this was started and a lot of advice is given on my blog based on His principles. It’s truly a lifestyle brand where you can hear truth, find positive artwork for your life, and get the push to create a small business that’s a true expression of who you are.
- What are your long-term goals for your business?Long term I would love to be doing more marketing and campaign art commission jobs and really turning it into a full service brand management firm. It’s hard when it’s one person because I get to wear all the hats! But I know that Jesus has got His hand on it all, so I have to keep my focus on today so that whatever comes tomorrow can be exactly what is needed at that time!
- As an entrepreneur, what are some of your favorite resources to use?Hmmm, I actually take advantage of some pretty cool subscription Facebook groups. There are great ones out there that are free as well – where you can connect with other entrepreneurs in your industry that will inspire you and offer tips and tricks in things that they have learned. I also take advantage of the notes/reminders on my cell phone – like big time! I also like to make to-do lists for the week so I can see overall what I want to focus on – as currently I do work a full-time job in social media while I do the freelance work on the side. So I keep busy! God is definitely the best resource I have, finding peace and balance in it all.
- What was the number one fear that you had to overcome regarding starting your own business and choosing to be an entrepreneur?
Fears suck! But they are definitely something you can overcome. I think the biggest thing I had to overcome was that I was good enough and needed in the marketplace. I think sometimes when we see others that may be doing something we find cool in our industry – we can be intimidated and start the comparison party. But truly God has shown me that there is something about each of us that is unique and needs to be shared – so my biggest advice is to stay true to yourself and what creatively comes from your life and spirit. That creates the best content, ideas, and will give you the greatest return than trying to do what everyone else is doing. And you are good enough! Technically trained or not, you can be amazing and you really have to believe that!
- Your branding is impeccable, what’s your number one advice for branding?Wow, thank you seriously you don’t know what that means to me. I think it’s really important to understand what your brand or business is trying to say to your target audience. Once you figure out who you are talking to and what you are trying to say – the next best thing is to figure out how to effectively reach these people. Which is where a lot of people get hung up – especially today as there are so many social networks and communities of people. So market research is key – it will save you a lot of time in the end if you figure out exactly who you are talking to. Selling to a group of moms is very different than selling to a group of female entrepreneurs that could be moms – there’s different points that are important to each group, there’s different pain points, there’s overlapping values but they need to be said in a certain voice to be effective. Figuring that out can help your business tremendously.
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- What’s your favorite tool for networking?I think social media and blogging have been the best tools for me to meet people! My favorite tool is social media because it’s easy to connect and drop a message. But I think conferences, local happy hours, and Facebook groups are great ways to connect with people who are interested in similar things. Also, don’t underestimate the importance of meeting in person – via Skype if you’re connection is long distance or meeting up for coffee if you’re local. I’ve met some amazing people by just getting out from behind the screen this year and have had some awesome business opportunities created from that.
- The best piece of advice that you want to share with entrepreneurs who are just starting out?Dive in. I’ve only been doing this thing for about a year and it’s insane the amount I have learned. Everything won’t always look pretty, but look past the situation and think big picture and it will help you through! When you feel like you are compromising your work and comparing yourself too much – disconnect for a few days! Also, you may work longer hours at first but it will pay off. Soak it all up, keep the faith, and stay motivated by your purpose. I guess that’s more than one piece of advice – but those are all things learned in my first year and have really helped me.
- As your business grows, is it important to stay flexible with the plan or true to the original plan and vision?
I think flexibility is important. Building a business is a bit like having a child. You can prepare yourself for the good and the bad; but you have to roll with the punches of what comes at each stage. You should have a vision but understand things may change and it doesn’t mean you are a failure. You never fail, you always walk away from a situation with a new outlook or understanding. That’s truly a win.
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- What do you recommend for bloggers specifically? The blog world is hard to break into and you’ve done so almost effortlessly.Thanks! I have been blogging since 2008 – so I’ve learned so much! I recently left my longtime blog and started a new one with Spoonful of Faith – that was eye opening and hard because it was definitely starting over for me. The biggest piece of advice that I could give bloggers is to create great content. What does that even mean nowadays – since there’s so much content and blogs out there? Do some research on who your audience is. (Again market research!) What are their interests? What are their pain points? How can your blog help them? Truly being honest – people are pretty self-serving. If I visit your blog I want something out of it. And if I feel like you are talking directly to me – I feel like I belong there and I keep coming back. But the way the blogger does that is by knowing who they are trying to reach or talk to – and talking in their ‘love’ language about things they are interested in. Which should be something you are passionate about blogging on in the first place! Also be consistent and share your content – you’ve gotta be your biggest advocate.
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- Most entrepreneurs wear multiple hats, what’s your advice for time management while being your own boss?
It’s important and can be hard. I’m a mommy, I work full time, I’m a wife, and I have a small business. I could tell you about ways I get through my work day – but honestly it comes down to priorities. Life is busy – but defining what is most important to you will help you prioritize your life. My family is important and providing excellent service to my clients is important. I can’t do everything but I can be open and honest with my clients about realistic timelines. I can take time to just focus on having quality time with my family. I can decide to have office hours and quit checking emails after a certain time. You have to do what works for your life and what matters to you. You put on the hat that is most important at that time, you handle what you can as it comes, you thank God for the days that you have help. Also, I think it’s important to be on the same page with your spouse and family. If you have support it really helps! And if you don’t have support from family – networking is key. There are some amazing communities, groups and people out there ready and willing to support your efforts. Find them!
For more of Jena, go visit www.aspoonfuloffaith.com
With love and big smiles,
torrie.
by Torrie Oglesby | Jul 2, 2015 | Learn + Grow
I imagine when God was creating Kiersten, He looked at her and said “I’m going to give this one an extra dose of strength, zeal and compassion.” I also imagine little tiny embryo Kiersten looking up at her Creator and asking “Why?” and then God just smiling at her and laughing and saying “Oh, you’ll see.”
Kiersten Homalon lives a life of truth, love, and a hunger to know God and share his love with the lost, the broken, and the invisible. The first and most important crown she wears is Daughter of the King-Jesus Christ. Her eagerness for the word of God and the heart of God is contagious. It’s the fuel behind all her passion and all her desires. God is at the center of her being and you see the character of God breaking out of every seam of her life. Secondly, she’s a mother and a wife and wears that crown with all beauty and humility by constantly learning from her husband and her baby girl and leaning on God for guidance on how to do both roles the way He intended for her. Between being a servant of God, a wife and a mother she also manages to be a loyal and dependable friend. The kind of friend who doesn’t just say “I’ll pray for you”, but actually stops her entire life to say a fervent prayer on your behalf. She has this amazing gift of hospitality that makes you feel at home with her the moment you are in her presence.
On top of all of that, Kiersten is an entrepreneur who owns and operates her own business called Essence from Eden Hawaii. Her company offers vegan, organic and wholesome products. From essential oils, to body wash, facial soap, natural teething remedies, lotion, shampoo, teas and so much more! If you live in Hawaii, she’s also a lactation specialist and qualified to do placenta encapsulation. Amazing, right? It doesn’t stop there! Even though her business is fairly new, she contributes 10% of all profits to Beauty for Ashes Uganda, a charity helping women, especially single mothers and widows, to reach long term sustainability for themselves and their families.
Kiersten is the true definition of a girl boss and a super woman! Starting with herself, her home life, and then pouring it out into the world for the world to receive more goodness. She’s shining her light and making the world a better place by living out her passions and following the desires God has placed in her heart. When I asked Kiersten what’s one piece of advice she would give all young and aspiring women her response was this:
“I would say, surrendering expectation. From everyone, even ourselves. That’s when the Holy Spirit can really move organically and POWERFULLY in our lives.”
May we all learn to surrender expectation a little more every day and may the life of Kiersten Homalon inspire you to go after whatever desire God as placed in your heart and to wear each crown you hold with all humility, bravery and passion.
Shop at her store by visiting www.essencefromedenhawaii.com
With love and big smiles,
torrie
by Torrie Oglesby | Jul 2, 2015 | Faith + Expressions
Let’s face it, sometimes being around negativity is out of our control. Whether it’s in the work place, your college dorm, family life, or maybe even your own thought life bad thoughts and situations happen. So what do we do when we are faced with negative situations or people? Here’s a list I’ve compiled to help you deal and react with negativity better because how we react is how we win the battle!
- POWER scriptures
The power of words is amazing! When a negative thought, negative situation or negative person is invading your space say out loud a positive scripture that immediately fights the negativity and puts it in its place! One of my favorites is Philippians 4:8.
- POSITIVE music
The minute I turn on fun and positive music I immediately stop thinking on the bad things, people or situations and feel as light as a feather as I begin to sing along to some pop song or worship song! This is great to do at your desk with headphones on, if your work place is where negativity tries to affect you.
- PUSH it.
After having a hard day or when you’re feeling down about yourself sweat it out! Go to the gym, do a home workout, go for a walk or turn on some dance music and dance a little. Whatever you prefer, get your body moving. Research shows that working out increases endorphins (your brains feel good neurotransmitters) which in turn improves your mood and leaves you with a better outlook and not to mention it benefits your body!
- PRAY or meditate
Quieting your mind and focusing on the bigger picture is such a huge part of prayer and meditation. When I take a minute a pray and talk to my heavenly father it’s truly meditation for me. It helps me to turn off all lies, frustrations and pains and turn my spirit to Gods goodness and peace. After taking a minute to pray I feel restored and renewed and prepared to fight any negativity that might come my way.
- PLACE yourself outside.
Literally, get a breath of fresh air! Step outside and soak in vitamin D! If you live close to the beach or mountains take a swim or go on a hike. Being outside recharges our bodies. Joy McCarthy tells us in her book Joyous Health, that a large study in the United Kingdom recently showed that green space is a powerful mood enhancer and improves self-esteem and your overall happiness. GO OUTSIDE and recharge!
With love and BIG smiles,
torrie.
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