by Altimese Nichole | Nov 24, 2015 | Family + Relationships
Love is a universal language that everyone loves, accepts, and craves. However the style of the love language differs for every individual on earth. While love resonates best for some through quality time, others prefer acts of service or words of affirmation. Which language are you? Which languages are those closest to you?
The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts. We all receive love through them all but they are normally ranked differently for every individual. Here are some ways to speak each of these for the loved ones in your life.
Words of Affirmation
- After completing a task, project, or chore around the house- tell the person “You did an amazing job!â€
- Always say “Thank You†and tell them you appreciate their presence in your life
- Never seek a reason to say, “I Love You.†Just tell them at random times to show you’re thinking of them
- Verbally encourage the person when they’re going through; become their cheerleader!
Acts of Service
- Intentionally seek ways to lighten their to-do list
- Always show that you’re reliable and dependable
- For your spouse, do things around the house for them without them asking
Quality Time
- Make an effort to call them randomly throughout the week to check on them
- Seek ways to spend time with them (whether via skype, phone call, or in person—which is always best), and hold to your appointment
- Never make it a habit with cancelling “datesâ€
Physical Touch
- If it’s your spouse, warmly embrace them often; If it’s a friend, hug them or link arms with them when you reconnect.
- For a spouse, understand that physical touch is more than just physical intimacy or sex. Touch them daily when you pass by them. (It doesn’t matter where but the graze of your touch reminds them of being wanted).
- For a spouse, hold hands often; for a friend, make a secret handshake or fist bump often.
Gifts
- The size of the gift doesn’t (normally) matter. Take the time to LISTEN to the things your loved ones speak about and buy them something that aligns with the things they discuss. For example, if they love fashion, gift them with a subscription for a Fashion Magazine.
- Randomly buy them their favorite chocolate/items/ thing.
- If they tell you what they want— just buy that! That shows that you’re listening.
If you’ve never done so, I encourage you to take the 5 Love Language assessment and encourage those you love to do the same! There are tests for couples, singles, and more!
Learn the languages of love and you can speak directly to the hearts of those you love most!
Share with us your love language and way’s you’ve taken time to speak the love language of others!
by Altimese Nichole | Nov 17, 2015 | Faith + Expressions
Within the Word of God, Proverbs 23: 7 says, “As a [wo]man thinketh, so is [s]he.” Everything in our lives begin with our thoughts. No matter how great (or devastating) our circumstances can be, we have the power to shape and shift perspective through the thoughts we focus on. The more we think about things, people, or circumstances (no matter good or bad), the more they can have an impact on our lives long after past moments occurred.
To increase blessings and gratitude in our lives, we must meditate on the things that are good and positive in our lives. Many people allow external circumstances to dictate the internal state of being. However, we’re designed to produce, manifest, and have dominion over external things (not to merely be subjects reacting to external situations). The more we set our mind to things that are pleasing, the more we manifest good things into our reality.
Want more to be thankful for? Start thinking of the things that spark a heart of gratitude!
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie
by Altimese Nichole | Nov 17, 2015 | Learn + Grow
In life, it’s so easy to express appreciation and gratitude when things are going well, all of our loved ones are healthy, and the journey is going smoothly. However, what about the times when it seems like our backs are against the wall, our children are sick, and it appears as if there is no end to the chaos?
Here are some tactics that can help you maintain a heart of gratefulness while dealing with moments of difficulty:
- Mediate on Good Things
When facing hard times, we often worry about the outcome which leads to us speaking about our concerns. This actually places more focus on the issue instead of minimizing its presence in our lives. When going through a trail, be intentional about your thoughts. Cast your cares and mediate on the good things in your life—even if that’s simply focusing on the gift of life in your body. By mediating on good things, your problems will receive less of your attention and your gratitude will supersede its presence.
- Be Intentional with Time
Difficult circumstances make it hard to maintain positivity and focus on the other great things in our lives. It can be easy to simply flow through your days but these are the times that intention matters. Going with the flow creates an environment that is reactive vs. proactive. Come deliberate with your time and what you choose to focus on. Spend more time reading books that address how successful people overcome and less time watching reality TV drama. Become self-aware of the thoughts you have—cast down the negative ones by replacing them with counter thoughts that create positivity. If we truly attended to personal growth and development as we should (in addition to our normal roles and responsibilities), we would have no time for condemnation and self-pity.
- Volunteer
A few years ago, I volunteered at a women’s shelter in the city of Atlanta. We provided a nail spa day for the ladies and many of the women shared their stories with the volunteers. One woman shared with me that she graduated from Howard University with a Communications degree and worked at some of the most reputable household and entertainment brands. During the course of her career, she connected with a group of people who introduced her to drugs (one of those drugs was crack/cocaine). As a result, she lost her home, her job, and ultimately the life she knew. Through it all, she had such a huge heart full or gratitude. She spoke with me with tears in her eyes through the pain and a smile on her face because of her gratitude. She said that she no longer gets to pamper herself, especially with manicures so my attention toward her made her day.
Spending time with her and many of the women who had similar stories reminded me of grace and mercy. Through all of my situations that I was facing, it was only because of grace and mercy that I wasn’t me. I am no different from her. WE are no different. That one experience changed my perspective for the better, helping me realized that we should never take anything for granted. Even when things seem at their worst, we can always find a glimpse of hope and gratitude.
- Create a Gratitude Jar
Have you heard of a gratitude jar? It’s a DIY project that can spark creativity while taking your mind off of today’s issues. Additionally, once the actual jar is designed to your liking, you write thing that you’re grateful for on little sheets of paper. Do this whenever you think of it and have the time so when you need a pick-me-up, you can reach for your jar and read the things you’re grateful for. I put dates on mine to help me remember the great things through my journey.
Here’s an example of a gratitude jar. You can also create a gratitude journal (these actually exist for those who are not DIY’ers) or a faith book which highlights favorite scriptures, faith testimonies, and answered prayers.
What are some of the things that help you maintain gratitude through difficult storms?
by Altimese Nichole | Nov 10, 2015 | Learn + Grow
Do you know the difference between being kind and being nice? To be nice means to display an agreeable demeanor or to appear friendly. Kindness is an act of intent to show a loving gesture toward another through behavior or good deeds.
As we’re quickly approaching the holiday season, we often think about great food, great laughs, and quality time with our loved ones. Unfortunately, this time of year also brings a lot of painful memories for many who suffer in silence.
It time for us to go beyond the surface of being nice to others and become more intentional through acts of kindness. For 30 days, I challenge you to complete at least one kind deed for 30 days. Here are some ideas to help you get started:
- Pay for the person’s coffee in front or behind you in the morning
- Pay for someone’s lunch
- Help someone bring grocery to their car
- Offer to help a friend with a tedious project or task
- If you know a family with a newborn, cook them a meal and bring it to them
- Offer to babysit for a night to help a couple have a much needed date night.
- Encourage someone to pursue their goals
- Write a letter of recommendation via LinkedIN for a colleague
- Surprise someone with a card in the mail
- Spark a “Pay It Forward” Sticky note challenge in your workplace
How and for who is totally up to you but feel free to use some of these to help you get started!
Do you have any more to add to the list? If so, please share them with the STRONG readers! We would love to hear them!
by Altimese Nichole | Nov 7, 2015 | Family + Relationships
For years, I told myself and others that I wasn’t a fan of long distance relationships. In addition to the distance, the communication and connection is harder to maintain… or so I thought. It’s funny that as I look at my closest relationships, they tend to live out of state (and my husband and I were dating long distance for a year before he moved to my area).
The main fear of long distance relationships often involve the lack of connection or the extensive obligation that many think it requires. However, when you care about someone—distance becomes minor and you find ways to stay connected. It could be a simple text message periodically to say hello, mailing cards on special occasions, or making the effort of calling to stay actively involved in your loved one’s life.
Instead of seeing long distance relationships as form of obligation or work, let’s simply allow them to be filled with effort through our love. In the midst of life’s busyness—imagine the amount of appreciation your loved one would feel simply by hearing your voice although you’re miles away.
Maintaining long distance relationships aren’t as scary as they seem- they just need two people willing to express love and appreciation in more ways than one.
How have your experiences been with long distance relationships?
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